my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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