i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize