The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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