yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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