just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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