I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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