He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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