Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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