Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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