end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
