I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize