Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
