what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
