I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
