I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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