Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
