she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
