come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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