I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
