I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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