My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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