Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
