we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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