I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
