This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
