I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
