Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
