so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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