You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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