What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
