She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
