I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
