i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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