I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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