Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
