He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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