I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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