I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
