Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
