Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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