I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
