The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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