U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
