what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
