I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
