i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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