Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
