I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize