Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
