apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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