Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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