Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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