So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i now understand why vodka
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
