I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
