we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
