Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
