come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
