I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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