Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
