Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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