I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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