I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
