Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize