Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
