We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
