Soap is not a condiment
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
