You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
