after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
