she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
